The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

14:12 Feb 25 2009
Times Read: 599

Saw a billboard this morning that said:



“Need help, call Jesus.”

1-800-212-3787



...Out of curiosity I did.









A Mexican showed up with a tow truck

What a guy
20:25 Feb 24 2009
Times Read: 612

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.



One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married

for 20+ years.



We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.



We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.









My engaged friend:



The other night my boyfriend came over and found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.



He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.. I love you.'



Then we made love all night long.





The mistress:



Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.







Then I had to share my story:



When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.



As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"

21:08 Feb 13 2009
Times Read: 622

To make it stand,

You wet it !

To make it wet,

You suck it !

To make it stiff,

You lick it !

To get it in,

You push it!



Damn !



Threading a needle when you're older is a BITCH.

Flat tire
18:33 Feb 12 2009
Times Read: 627






Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I carefully eased my

car over to the shoulder of the road, got out of the car and opened the

trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the

rear of my car facing oncoming traffic.



They look so life-like you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats,

exposing their near nude bodies to the approaching drivers. To my

surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my life-like men. And of

course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and

waving like crazy.



It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me. He gets out of

his car and starts walking toward me. I could tell he was not a happy

camper!



'What's going on here?' 'My car has a flat tire', I said calmly.



'Well, what the heck are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the

road?' I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, 'Hellooooo,

those are my emergency flashers!'